Relationships are Weird

We had our last MOPS meeting today, and it's kinda sad to say good-bye to the group. I look forward to hanging out with moms and gathering ideas to use with my kids. For example, my friend, Laura, said that she gives each one of her kids a Hershey kiss in her kids' lunch everyday to symbolize a real kiss from their mom in the middle of their school day. What a simple easy thing to treat your kids to everyday! I will be stealing this idea immediately.

In MOPS not only do you hang around your peers, but they also have older, and wiser, mothers come to share their perspective on mothering. For the lesson today the mentor moms were asked a series of questions about mothering, life, marriage, etc. My mother-in-law was one of the moms in the panel which reminded me of memory from their family from awhile back.

Eric and I were home visiting from college and hanging out in the kitchen with his parents. Eric's brother was busy getting ready for a trip. I can't remember were he was going, but I think he was moving to San Fransisco; otherwise, it was just a regular camping trip. He wasn't taking much and it sounded like they were really going to be roughing it for awhile.

Eric's brother was dressed in a bright tie-dye t-shirt and he had really spiky hair with a handkerchief bandanna, and was busy loading up his VW van with all the necessities for his trip. Nothing really special about this moment until Eric's dad said to him, "We are really going to miss you. Don't really know why you are going, however, I just want you to know that I love you and I have decided that I am going to embrace your weirdness." This comment was met with laughter and hugs good-bye and wishing him well on his newest adventure.

I don't know why this story is such a poignant memory for me from our dating years. Just a funny display of a parent's love for their child. I also don't know why I thought of it today. Maybe it was a lesson on true acceptance and love, even if it is not merged with clear understanding of another person's actions. Maybe it's a lesson on not taking yourself so seriously. Maybe it's something deeper. Whatever it is, I was thinking about it a lot today and how it applies to my relationships.

As a parent, you strive to have the best for your kids. You don't want them to fall or have pain, yet you want them to have success and live a full life. This idea is contrary to the core. A full life is often achieved through our own mistakes and failures and life lessons learned.

Maybe this memory was preserved to teach me to have enough grace in my own parenting and marriage to accept a person for where they are at right now, a good theory that is easier said than done. At least when they are young, their signs of independence are a lot easier to accept than when they are older. It is going to be good practice for when they come home with bigger issues in high school and college. Right now, I need to accept Kaylee for the dirty face, tree climbing, math whiz, skinned knee, dog loving, jersey wearing, fireball of energy child she is. I need to accept Cameron for the frilly dress wearing, fingernail polish wearing, barefoot walker, quiet talker, loud temper tantrum having, glitter loving, sensitive child she is. I can't make wearing dresses enjoyable for Kaylee, just like I can't make Cameron into a coordinated ball player.

This principle goes beyond my parenting and applies to my marriage as well. I need to accept Eric for the hard working, messy, wrestler-loving dad, sports obsessed, sarcastic sense of humor, laid back, expensive jean wearing guy that he is. Let's be honest, this can be a tough task. For instance, despite the fact that Eric's sense of humor usually very funny and witty, I am overly sensitive and can be offended without him meaning to. However, is it okay to expect someone to change? Maybe adjust, but not change.

How can this be accomplished? I am not sure yet because I am learning as I go. Sometimes it means that I have to keep my mouth shut, even if I don't want to. I have to allow my kids to tie ribbons on their clothes just because they think it's beautiful. I have to accept that my daughter only wants to play with boys on the soccer field instead of playing house with the girls on the playground. But does it really mean that I have to accept the hours my husband spends playing fantasy football? Maybe in theory, but...

If I can open my heart enough to accomplish this task, you may wonder what is in it for me? Everything, really. When we learn to accept others talents and flaws something amazing happens. They'll learn to accept my talents and flaws. In other words, they will "embrace my weirdness." They will see me for the disorganized, dramatic story telling, forgetful, caffeine addicted, creative, food obsessed, cheesy, high heeled shoe wearing, tone deaf singing woman that I am, and love me in spite of it all. I think if we are being honest with ourselves, it's what we all crave and it's what we all deserve in every relationship whether it is friendship, spousal, family, etc. With that being said, have you embrace the weirdness today?