Enter a Battle of Wills

So after having child number one, I thought I had mothering all figured out. Little did I know that Kaylee was an exceptionally easy baby. She literally only cried when she was hungry, ate whatever I fed her even the veggies, could be passed around an entire room of strangers to be held without fussing, and was sleeping through the night at four months. Kaylee made parenting a joy and I didn't understand why all the other mothers around me complained about mothering being so hard. Why didn't they just use the "love and logic" discipline method like I did?

Enter child number two.

Let me start from the beginning. From day one she was a child that knew what she wanted. She refused to stop breastfeeding although I was ready to be finished. She would cry for hours and reject any bottle given to her. After months of trying different bottles, formulas, she finally caved, but only if we gave her warm breast milk in a Playtex bottle.


If I was in the room, she wouldn't allow herself to be held by anyone other than myself. She would crank her head in my direction and cry until she was in my arms again. I don't think the grandmas held her unless they were babysitting.

Enter the toddler years. She continued exerting her independence by walking at nine months and started potty training herself at 18 months. She even invented her own way of using the potty chair...she stood. It's a wondering that she even made it in there.

At age 3 she told me she wanted a bob haircut. I didn't take her request seriously, so she cut it herself. Shoulder length...as much as a bob cut as she could create using her dad's nose trimmer scissors. Then she used the dust pan to wipe it up and throw it away. When I asked her the why she cut her beautiful hair, she replied, "Mom, I told you I wanted it this way."

Enter current age 4.


I have only touched the surface of this detailed and complex child. Are you wondering how a four year old can be complex? I hear it in her words and her voice and sometimes just her actions. Here are some of her quips from just this past week.


Cameron is opinionated. For example, she told Eric, "Dad, you are so funny, but not as funny as Papa Evers."


She is very sweet. "Mom you are lookin' snazzy today."


Sometimes she is dramatic. Yesterday Kaylee told her a joke and Cameron replied, "Let me go to the carpet so that I can faint."


She is spiritual. "Satan hates it when I give my toys away. Satan is double eww and double yuck."


Cameron is picky. "Mom, I saw what you were making for dinner and it looks yuck." (10 mins. later Cameron becomes complimentary and tells me that I am the best cook of Beef Stir Fry ever. A couple days later I found out that she convinced her sister to eat it for her.)


She is very expressive and can express her feelings more vocally than any child I have ever meet. Recently she made her sister late for a soccer camp she is involved in. While in time out, I heard her say, "I am so mad, and you are a meanie. I can't wait to get to VBS!"


She is sassy. After her time out from incident above and a talk about disrespect Cameron says to me, "So what I got to do chores now?"


She is combative. After receiving a short list of chores from the comment above she responds, "I love wiping down the counters."


Cameron is brave. "Jesus tells us that we "Fear Not" so I don't have to worry about being on stage for my dance recital even though the stage is big."


She is driven. She has been growing her hair out for over 2 months so that it is two inches past her shoulders and that can curl it under once.


She is impatient. She is annoyed when someone enters a room and asks her what she is doing. She needs no words for this. Her face says, "Isn't it obvious?"


She is loving. Last night when Eric was gone for Bible study she says, "I miss dad. My favorite thing is when the whole family is together."


She is distinctive with her wardrobe full of frilly dresses with matching jewelry, purses, and sometimes a dash of glitter.


Cameron is a born leader. Her favorite games with Kaylee involved school or house when she is the mom and/or teacher. Yesterday she pretended to teach Kaylee how to spell the alphabet.


She is creative. Yesterday I asked her who wrote with marker on the wall (which she was using as a chalkboard in her game of school). She denied it, then she says about five mins. later, "I just remember, I saw Brooklyn (aka our family dog) with a red marker in her mouth writing on the wall."


What a little stinker, right?


My second child lacks a filter a little gauge that tells her that she shouldn't be saying that. You always know where you stand with Cameron. At any given moments she could be mad, excited, nervous, sleepy, bossy, or loving. As her mom I live on this roller coaster with her daily, and together we have more good days than bad. Will she think I am a meanie again. Sure!! If she doesn't, I am doing her a disservice. Cameron has enough friends, she needs a mom. A mom willing to give her boundaries and stick with it even though it's not easy.

Quickly realizing that the "Love and Logic Discipline" was not going to work with Cameron I read over five different parenting books to find some insight on how to mother this child, and I recently quit reading. I understand those days when mothering is hard, and am allowing myself to not have it all together. My mother-in-law jokes that after I figure it out, I need to write a book strictly on parenting Cameron. If I ever wrote a book about Cameron it wouldn't be a book on parenting, it would be a memoir. A shameless celebration of an old soul hopelessly and frustratingly trapped in a child's body.


Cameron has taught me a lot of things about myself. She taught me to be humble. She's taught me to laugh at myself. She taught me the value of being real and upfront with people. I love how she embraces her feelings, and doesn't apologize for the complex person she is. She sees the world more brightly than most. She notices every detail, every vibrant color, and every smell. If I listen to her when she speaks, I have the pleasure of seeing it too.

Enter July 9, 2009.


Last night I couldn't sleep because Cameron was on my mind. Currently I am engaged in battle of wills with my 4 year old, and I have a feeling this one will last another 14 years. I am up for the challenge and standing firm and really wouldn't have it any other way. I hope despite it all she knows and more importantly feels loved.


I can't be the only one that feels this way. Thoughts anyone?